Review of Bone’s Restaurant

It’s been a while since my daughter has offered her opinion in writing on matters of contemporary culture. No doubt you remember her reviews of TRON: Legacy, recording artist Madeline’s album White Flag, and Werner Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams. And if you do, you may have noticed a pattern of, well, mild contempt. Thus I am happy to publish her latest, a downright favorable review of the Atlanta steakhouse Bone’s.

We went to Bone’s Restaurant for daddy’s birthday. When I first heard of it, I thought it might have something to do with dogs, because, you know, it’s called “Bone’s.”

But it didn’t look at all like what I had expected. For some reason I thought it would be like this restaurant I went to at Disney World where they bring you meat on a stick. But Bone’s looked more like an old fashioned place where men go to drink.

Anyway, I thought it was fantastic. It’s so fancy that the bathroom has real cloth towels instead of paper towels.

My order was a caesar salad, filet mignon, and best of all dessert—the mountain high pie. It is literally as tall as my head and it was fantabulous! I even forgive it for being called “pie” when it is in fact CAKE.

The waiter knew my dad and remembered the wine he had last time. They even bring the wine list on an iPad! I mean, how can they afford to buy that many iPads?! Maybe it’s because so many people eat the pie.

The service was probably the best I’ve had, because as a kid, waiters usually don’t respect me. Once I asked for some red peppers at California Pizza Kitchen, but they never came. But at Bone’s, the waiter offered to get me everything in smaller portions (except the pie, of course). If I had gotten even the eight ounce serving of steak, it would have looked like I hadn’t even touched it. But the six ounce filet and half caesar salad was perfect for a small girl like me.

But it’s not just the service and the pie that’s so good—also the steak! Oh my god, I would pay all the money I have (which is, like, $17.55) for one more piece of that yummy non-vegetarian magic!

Unfortunately it was fancy enough that I had to wear a dress. I didn’t like this because I still don’t understand why you have to dress up to eat food.