(Cross-posted from Cow Clicker)
For almost a year now, Cow Clicker has helped thousands of people from dozens of countries engage in the affectionate practice of clicking a cow every six hours (or even more often). While the lamentable practice of cow-tipping may get more public attention, cow clicking harms neither virtual cows nor real ones. To click a cow is an act of love, evidenced by the mirthful moos uttered by clicked cattle.
It is thus our ongoing horror that millions of people collectively spend hundreds of millions of minutes per day killing virtual pigs by hurtling deranged birds at them.
These pigs have been subject to a repulsive propaganda campaign, in which they have been wrongly accused of stealing the birds’ eggs. In fact, the pigs have always only hoped to protect these eggs from their violent parents, hoping to raise their hatchlings as docile and productive citizens of the animal kingdom rather than loathsome scoundrels bent only on physics-based destruction.
These innocent pigs, having worked hard to construct makeshift shelters for themselves and their adopted avian families, are subject to constant terror, not knowing when another sortie of unhinged birds might smite them with the cruel force of rigid body dynamics. I have personally seen the ghastly disfigurements caused by the sharpened beaks of these treacherous birds, and I can assure you: the pain they inflict is second only to the shame their victims feel for having failed in their mission.
As a leader in the farm animal-based gaming sector, Cow Clicker can no longer sit by idly while this virtual violence continues. How many pigs must yet die before we stop celebrating the “success” of this brutal butchery and recognize it for what it is: a systematic genocide of verdant virtual varmints.
And so we raise our pointers in reproach. No longer should pigs needlessly die for amusement! No longer shall homes be broken and young chicks doomed to continue the cycle of abuse! It is not the birds who are justified to anger, but ourselves, for having so long been complicit in their butchery!
We beseech you: cease to fund the fascist coffers of the mercenary training grounds that rear nestlings into psychotics. Cease to give this violent filth to your children. Cease to condone the destruction of green pigs in the name of momentary distraction at the bus stop or in the Starbucks line. Together let us end the pig pogrom!
Today, to help raise awareness of this ghastly porcine purge, Cow Clicker is proud to announce the limited edition Save the Pigs clickable cow. Display your anger through this vache’s vexed visage. Click it in solidarity, in peace, and in commemoration of swines squandered.
Remember: every cow clicked is a pig saved.