By now, the virtues of cow clicking are well-known and understood. But there’s a problem: Cow Clicker is bound to Facebook, and to use Facebook one must be over the age of thirteen. Are our children meant to be cooped up indoors, never allowed to romp through pastures of their own?
A startling truth reveals itself: despite the explosion in cow clicking among the techno-hipster elite, our kids are being left behind. Today’s children risk becoming the first generation that clicks fewer cows than their parents.
No more. Make an investment in your child’s future cow clicking aptitude with My First Cow Clicker for iOS, the world’s first mootriculation game.
Through a repetitive cow clicking drill cleverly disguised as an entertaining videogame, your youngster will learn how to click a cow effectively. In the process, your lad or lass will also learn to recognize the names and shapes of dozens of different Cow Clicker cows.
And as a parent devoted to Cow Clicker on Facebook can outsource your clicks to your kids. Just make sure junior plays My First Cow Clicker every six hours, and then log in securely to click your grown-up cow, earning a click in the process. Why just instrumentalize your friends when you can exploit your kids too?
Even better yet, once you click your cow, you can publish your child’s My First Cow Clicker scores and medals to your Facebook feed. Show your friends’ what moorons their kids are compared to yours–and in the process prod them to improve the cow clicking aptitude of their own calves.
Attention collectors! When you buy Cow Clicker Moobile, you’ll get a special, limited-edition cow, hand drawn by my daughter. You can only obtain it by purchasing this app. Her talents are also featured in the game’s voice-over.
Will today become yet another day that your child does not click a cow? Will you forego bovine mastery to the Far East and the Asian subcontinent? For God’s sake, what are you waiting for? Buy My First Cow Clicker today!